


i won't tame you (i won't break your stride)

by orphan_account



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, This is just Shane and Ryan realizing they're in love, a little angst if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24033091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There’s something so soft, so domesticated about it, that Ryan almost feels wrong watching. Like this is a window into Shane’s own universe, a window that typically has the curtains closed, a window that isn’t meant to be peered into. It’s almost as if Shane has forgotten Ryan is sitting across from him on his couch. Legs crossed underneath of him with a blanket thrown over his shoulders, and a laptop resting between his knees, the screen and keys having gone dark a while ago.And, Ryan realizes, that maybe he’d like to stay like this forever.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 22
Kudos: 270





	i won't tame you (i won't break your stride)

**Author's Note:**

> hiii, so this is my first, and probably only shyan fic. i had been screaming my headcanons at maddie (bottomryanbitch here on ao3, pinksweatshirtbergara on tumblr, go follow her and read her fic!! she was my hype person through this) and i ended up turning it into a real fic, i guess. beta'd by a very sweet friend of mine.

It’s a late Friday night, when Ryan realizes it. They've decided to set up shop in Shane’s living room, take out boxes cluttering the old wooden coffee table that sits in front of him. It’s oddly quiet outside of Shane’s apartment, there’s no muffled laughter radiating through the thin walls, there isn’t even the sound of a cabinet being closed next door.

Shane has a vinyl in his record player, a soft blue leather box. Ryan would argue it’s almost too modern for Shane, having an output for an aux cord. There’s some weird indie song flowing out of the speakers, maybe it’s playing a little too loud for how late it is. As he turns his head in Shane’s direction to tell him just that, the words die in his throat.

It’s not in fear of annoyance, rather, fear of disrupting the world he’s quietly stepped into. Shane’s mindlessly typing away, probably some sort of email to the big guys at corporate, if the small lines between his eyebrows give anything away. His head is swaying slightly to the beat of the song, the lyrics are forming on his lips, though he makes no effort to actually vocalize them. 

There’s something so soft, so domesticated about it, that Ryan almost feels wrong watching. Like this is a window into Shane’s own universe, a window that typically has the curtains closed, a window that isn’t meant to be peered into. It’s almost as if Shane has forgotten Ryan is sitting across from him on his couch. Legs crossed underneath of him with a blanket thrown over his shoulders, and a laptop resting between his knees, the screen and keys having gone dark a while ago. 

And, Ryan realizes, that maybe he’d like to stay like this forever. He’d like to leave work, only to come home _with_ Shane and have this, everyday. He’d like to spend their free time entangled on the couch with bad horror movies playing in the background, forgotten by the heat between them, the warm hands that would roam his body freely. And, Ryan realizes that maybe he’s in love with Shane.

He probably has been, for a while now that he thinks about it. About the way that his heart would flutter in his chest whenever Shane cooked dinner for him after days of eating fast food or ordering out. The way he could always feel his face heat up when Shane would mercilessly defend his fascination with all things supernatural. How Shane would chase after him and coax him into a steady breathing pattern after a fright made him panic so bad he’d see spots. 

Maybe it’s always been there, lingering, waiting for the right moment to make itself known. Ryan would like to believe this isn’t something that’s just been birthed, from the sight of seeing Shane for just, _Shane_. 

And, he’d be right to think so. Because it has been, this isn't anything new. He's just constantly forced it below the rippling surface of water, shoved it down and drowned it. But, something has given it the strength to push up against the weight of the fear of, well, everything. The crippling terror that Shane would cut him off if he confessed that, he would not only lose a business partner, but his best friend in the process, too.

So, he supposes, that yes, it’s always been there. Maybe it formed during one of the times Ryan would wake up before Shane after a night out bar hopping and crashing at his place, only to see a small bottle of aspirin sitting in front of him with a bottle of water and a small plastic trash can nusseled up against the couch. Or when he’s had to silently creep through Shane’s room to get to the bathroom at the early hours of the morning, and he's caught the still, sleeping body of his friend who was lazily scratching Obi on autopilot. 

For a moment, if just a fleeting one, while his own hands have absentmindedly started to type away on the keyboard in front of him, he wonders if Shane feels the same way.

Ryan is typically perceived as a pessimist, and perhaps now, more than ever, he’d say it were true. Because there’s a gnawing voice at the back of his mind that tells him he’d never be so lucky, to have Shane welcome him into this world of his own. Though, if Ryan knew the truth, maybe his breath wouldn’t hitch in his throat when he notices that Shane’s been staring back at him, too, for a while now.

And if Shane wasn’t so oblivious, if he wasn’t such a nihilist, he’d have noticed that there was something different in the softness of Ryan’s gaze when it landed on him three songs ago, when he had caught him staring out of the corner of his eye. He relished in the fondness masking Ryan’s face, because it was all _for him._

It’s almost ironic, how he has a meme centered around him saying the phrase “I’ve connected the dots,” yet he can’t do that now. If Shane were a smart man, he could’ve guessed what was making the blush on Ryan’s neck creep up to his cheeks, but Shane has never claimed to be a smart man. He’d only ever claimed to be a _very_ dumb man who was hoplessly in love with his best friend. And those claims were said to a cat, who was a great listener, but offered little help in his inner turmoil.

If Shane had to pinpoint when it was he became aware of the fact that he was in love with Ryan, he’d have to say it was on a regular day while they were sitting in the Buzzfeed office. Ryan had been perched on top of his chair, socked feet digging their heels into the mesh material under them. He was editing one of their most recent trips for the upcoming Supernatural season. 

Their joined desks offered little privacy, and while he knew the risk he was taking, he couldn’t help but drink in the sight before him. Ryan looked a little tired, but most of all, he looked a bit frustrated. He had been worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, his chin resting in the crevasse between his knees. His normally styled hair was laying flat and forward, the longest bits of it reaching just over his eyebrows, though not long enough to block his vision.

Shane had been staring, his whole body facing Ryan, cheek resting against his closed fist. He sat like that for so long, he’d begun to feel pins and needles prick along the flat of his forearm, going all the way from his elbow to his fingertips. He took that as a sign to turn away, to look back at his monitor and busy himself with work, as to not tempt his mind from trailing too far. Though, just as he started to swivel himself to stare back into the fluorescent glow, Ryan had smiled.

And Shane, maybe not as unfortunately as he’d like to later claim to Obi, had been captivated all over again. He had to strain his eyes to see what it was that broke the look of sheer exhaustion and spoil that had been plaguing his friend. The glare from the early afternoon sun made it almost impossible to see but once he finally focused, he saw it.

Ryan’s own smile, reflected in a green casted fishbowl lens view, was playing on the screen. The video jumped from Ryan laughing to Shane talking. He must have said something to ease Ryan’s nerves, the way both video-Ryan, and real life-Ryan giggled, the way their eyes crinkled in unison, hit Shane like a goddamn freight train.

Shane wanted to always be the reason Ryan laughed like that, the reason his smile met his eyes. He selfishly wanted to be the reason Ryan radiated joy, and happiness, and _warmth._

But he knew that was hopeless, to think that he could have Ryan just to himself, because if anything, Ryan belonged to the world.

He knew that Ryan belonged to the temporary moments of a dream.

Except, he couldn’t help but let it fester, boil up and over the lip of his metaphorical pot. Shane knew it was stupid to mix business with pleasure, so to say, he knew that. The logical part of his brain was screaming at him to shut it down, delete system thirty-two, do _something_ to put an end to this. But the side of his brain that craved this, the side he tended to ignore, shove into a room and lock the door behind him? It was like a feral animal.

This was the first time in a very long time, that he had allowed himself to entertain the idea of Ryan being his. Ryan wasn’t-he wasn’t property, or a thing, Shane wasn’t one of those men, it was more knowing that he’d be coming home to _Shane_. Making dinners with _Shane,_ using every excuse in the book to wear _Shane’s_ clothes. As if he needed a reason. Shane would let him have it all.

He’d let Ryan have everything if it meant he’d be happy. If it would make him smile like that, just for Shane.

Shane would love him unconditionally, through all of the weird habits and emotional outbursts. Even during the nights that felt cold, and passive, because they had spent most of their day trapped together in a small prison cell again, or the basement of a “haunted” house. He’d still love him, like he loves him through the nervous rapt against his belly button, and the taps against his nose when he’s trying to be professional and not lose himself in a laughing fit again.

He’d loved him even when Ryan would forget to take his woven bracelet off before a shower, the cool damp hemp strings causing goosebumps to grow across his arms. The soft hoodies, the ripped jeans, he’d love the Ryan that wore jerseys and sneakers, the Ryan that would shake and almost break down in tears after he'd let himself travel too far into his own mind and scared himself in the process. 

Shane would love Ryan, regardless.

Shane was completely, and totally, in love with Ryan Bergara, his best friend, and ghoul boy. And that was maybe the only thing in life that Shane truly feared.

He wonders, vaguely, if their coworkers across the desk have caught on, too. If they have, he isn’t so sure he’s got half the mind to care because the only thing taking up all the space in his head right now are the words, “I’m in love with you, Ry.” and how badly he aches to say it, to whisper it into Ryan’s ear, for only him to hear. Hushed words between lovers, but that’s a pipe dream, because he’ll-

The sound of someone clearing their throat rips Shane out of his memory, and that someone is Ryan. And, _holy shit, how long have they just been staring at each other? Lost in their own thoughts?_ The music stopped playing so long ago, they’ve been sitting in stark silence.

“Could you-” Ryan starts, forcing his eyes to go anywhere but on Shane, “could you play a song, for me?” He asks while the tips of his ears turn a deep red. Shane nods in response before registering that Ryan is actively avoiding eye contact with him. He manages to cough out something that sounds like yes, before setting his laptop aside and walking over to the record player.

“What would you like?” Shane tries to steady his voice as he plugs the aux cord, opening up Spotify. Why are his hands so clammy? It’s close to freezing in his apartment right now, the heater broke this morning and-

“You know that song, by Elvis?” Ryan finally looks up, eyes still unable to meet Shane’s. His lips twitch, it could almost be seen as anticipation for what he knows he’s about to hear.

“You’ll have to be more specific, Ry.” he says, and goes to make a remark, but before he can get the words out, Ryan cuts him off.

“Can’t help falling in love?”

And, shit. It was like every nerve in his body had been flayed open, his skin suddenly burning under his clothes.

“That-yeah. I can do that.” What was wrong with him? It was just a coincidental song request, it wasn’t like Ryan _knew_. How could he? Shane tries to ignore the way Ryan started drumming his fingers on his stomach as he finds the song and hits play, leaving his phone beside the record player. 

He sat back down, repositioning his computer in his lap, and tried to force his mind back onto his work, but it was- _it was too much._ He gave a few futile attempts at breathing through his nose to ease his body, but when the second chorus rippled through the quiet apartment, he couldn’t stand it anymore. Now is as good a time as any, he guessed.

“Hey, Ry?” Shane doesn’t want to look at him, he doesn't want to see the very real possibility of disgust cross over Ryan’s face, but he has to.

There’s no vocal response, but Ryan is staring, hard, at him right now.

“I think,” a beat, “I’m in love with you.”

The three or four seconds of earth shattering silence, aside from the fading outro of the song, feel like years for Shane. It’s not until Ryan says, “Yeah, I think I am, too.” that it feels like the weight of the world is lifted from his shoulder, a weight he didn’t know he had been carrying this long.

And if there are tears in their eyes as Shane makes his way over to the couch, engulfing Ryan’s body with his own while the song starts to repeat, no one would know but them.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! lemme know what you think!


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